10 2nd Beach Clifton - it should be in the book

Where: Clifton Beach, South Africa
When: November/December 2012
With: Dave, Nic and Divya

When Dave, Nic, and Divya went down to Cape Town for school, the itinerary broke out pretty nicely. For 3 weeks, they lived on campus taking 12 hours of classes a day and having very little time for anything else. Then for 3 weeks, they travelled around Africa. Upon returning to Cape Town, they only had a final presentation in mid-December, and other than that school was over. So as the need to live on campus disappeared, they sought out in search of a nice place to live for their remaining month to relax and enjoy.

What they found surpassed everyone's expectations. They wanted a place on the beach, but the budget of three MBA students limited their choices. Then the realtor pulled a little gem out of her back pocket. The house was huge, on the beach, in what is touted as the nicest neighborhood in all of South Africa. The catch? It had been on the market for months as it seems to have been previously owned by a complete and total nutter. 

Upon arriving at the house, I was completely blown away by the views. Clifton really was one of the prettiest neighborhoods I've ever seen. And it's location underneath Lion's Head meant that no matter where you looked, you saw beautiful scenery.

From the road, it was 99 steps down towards the house. 

From there, I can only describe the rest via video. As you watch, please note the electric fence around the perimeter, the multiple doors hidden behind bookshelves and paintings, and the box of name cards. 

Other quirks of the house that couldn't quite be captured via video:

• Cynthia, the housekeeper with a "generational attachment" to the home. Normally, she hung out at the house from 8am-4pm every day, even when there was no one living there to clean up after. We told her it wasn't necessary for her to come every day. But then on the days she did come, she spent most of her time watching telenovelas in the guest room and making long distance phone calls. She also enjoyed wearing 1800s maid outfits and very large turbans.
• Any switch or button that was over shoulder level was a panic button with a direct call to the police upon being hit. If we only called the cops 2 times in a day, it was a good day.
• The 10-foot sickle that was kept in the backyard. There was red on the blade: blood or rust?
• The brick trap door in the patio floor. We never could get up the strength or courage to lift the giant slab. We weren't sure what we'd find underneath.
• The 6 foot Mayan statue of a birdman that was hidden behind an electronic, sliding shed door. 
• The trap doors that descended from the ceiling with the flick of switch, trapping you into random rooms and hallways when you just wanted to turn on a light (and were trying to avoid panic buttons).
• The hidden elevator shaft. 
• The beds that folded out of the wall in the guest room. 
• The copious amounts of art involving naked women. 
• The purple alligator skin couch hidden behind the grill. 
• The buckets and buckets of stain removal products hidden in a back linen closet. 
• The multiple safes hidden behind wall sockets and shelves throughout the house. 
• The fact that every room could be locked from the outside.
• The bed bugs that inhabited Nic's library bed.

The joke of the entire time we were there was to determine exactly what this guy did. At the end of our four weeks, we fell upon some sort of swinger lifestyle. As if we weren't already sure, the day we found this pretty much sealed all our opinions:

However, despite all its kookiness, the views were pretty hard to beat. We learned to accept panic buttons and sickles while we got used to sitting and staring out at the ocean.

This was particularly amazing when the summer winds picked up, blowing massive gusts out to sea. The waves actually blew backwards and the mist looked like sand. It even made a few rainbows. 

At night, this backyard provided the perfect spot to enjoy a glass of wine and watch UFOs fly over your head (no joke) or freak yourself out that Cynthia was sneaking up behind you with a bloody sickle. The astro-turf grass was odd, but when you saw how easily Cynthia could hose the leaves out of the yard, you loved it even more.

Plus the trip down the beach was always memorable. Climbing on your butt like a crab through the brush and overgrown trees was an adventure every time, but the quick access to the beach was so amazing. It was also a huge accomplishment when you made it with your drink in hand.

Our views from the beach

The nice thing about the house was how private it was from the beach. If you didn't know it was there, you'd totally skim over it compared to the glitzy and large neighbors all over. Considering all the safety risks this guy took, it's no wonder he made sure his house was not visible from the outside.

And the best part of every day was watching the sunset, whether from the jetty or the house.

This house made it difficult to picture our lives not living on the beach. As if it was a final send off from the house, a lone saxophone player was outside our window on one of our last nights, showing us why we may want to reconsider living in this city in the future. 

For the rest of our trip in South Africa, click here.