Rahul & Vanita's big fat Indian wedding

Where: Dharamsala, India
When: May 29 - 31, 2013
With: Dave, Ralf, Stefan, Ankita, Mireya, Joaquin, Rahul, Vanity, and the entire Chaudhary clan

The main purpose of this giant excursion to India was to celebrate the wedding of Rahul and Vanita. Rahul is one of Dave's classmates in London (the guy who took us to the Peak District!) and originally comes from the small town of Dharamsala in northern India. His nuptials with Vanita would prove to be our first, official, Indian wedding. We were so very excited, but at the same time, so curious as to what the 3-day extravaganza would hold. 

Day 1

After yet another slow going, 8-hour drive through the Indian mountains, Ralf, Stef, Ankita, Dave and I were surprised to start seeing snow on the peaks around us as we neared the end of our trip. We knew the wedding was in the foothills of the Himalayas, but we thought it would look more like Shimla with lots of pine covered hills, not snow capped peaks! When the scenery changed pretty suddenly, we got the feeling this was going to be a wedding like nothing we'd ever seen.

We arrived at our hotel to find it quintessentially on theme.  A bit Indian, a bit Nepalese, it was the perfect setting within the mountains to house our trip.

Inside the hotel, wedding festivities were already fully underway. In and around the lobby, the first event was underway: the Mehndi ceremony. All the ladies of Rahul's family giggled and laughed in their brightest outfits while sitting around in chairs drinking chai tea while their hands were painted with henna. The henna is a mud-like paste that dyes the skin, and it's traditional for the female attendees to have intricate patterns painted across the backs and palms of their hands for a wedding. The paste takes about an hour to dry and another four hours to fall off, but when it does, it leaves behind a spider-web of artwork in its wake.  The darker the colour, the longer the marriage is meant to last, so the ladies will often times squeeze lemon juice on the mud to enhance the staining effect. 

By the time we got in, unpacked, and dressed, we made the tail-end of the ceremony.  I was only able to get one hand done, but it was ok as it left my camera hand free and this was one night of photos I was not about to miss. 

After my henna was complete, Dave and I finished suiting up in our finest Indian garb and took a moment to reflect on where we were on our balcony. This was a really surreal moment, with the warm air from the mountains blowing through our scarves and tunics and the incredible views around us. 

 When everyone was ready, we were loaded up into passenger vans to be carted over to the dinner. 

 The location of the main events was the Dharamsala Cricket Grounds. Set in the mountains, it proved to be an amazing venue. 

Once we arrived, we all took a moment to observe where we were and what we were wearing.

A brief explanation of the outfit choices. The guys were all wearing Kurtas, a long shirt worn over super baggy pants. These can be dressed up or down however much you want (Ralf opted for a bedazzled heart on his back) and can be accompanied by a scarf. Dave thought these were the most comfortable clothes ever and wishes to incorporate them into his daily life somehow.

The girls have a bit more variety in what they can wear on any given night of a wedding. I opted for the salwar kameez. Similar to what the guys wear, this is a long tunic top with either tight or baggy pants and a scarf, usually draped backwards on your neck. Mireya opted for the sari, which I can explain more in depth later. Ankita wore an outfit more traditional in southern India, where she is from. I believe is called a Churldaar Kurta, a  floor length dress with a long shawl draped over one shoulder. Either way, I think we all looked like we belonged.

A couple that blends in!

The festivities started out with a few formal performances. First, these traditional dancers in local garb came out to perform some folk dances. 

Next, the bridge and groom came onto the floor to perform an elaborately choreographed dance. The moves were a mix of Western and Indian, as were the songs, but the entire thing was entertaining. Rahul pulled it off, even though he only learned it a few days earlier!

The happy couple

After the formal dancing was done, it was time for everyone to take the floor in the moment we'd all been waiting for. All of the groom's family was out on the floor, dancing their hearts out (the bride's family had a separate party of their own elsewhere). Lots of music, lots of lights, and lots of twisting lightbulbs. It was so much fun!!

As the night came to an end, Dave had twisted in an entire home's worth of lightbulbs and my henna was officially set. We headed back to the hotel to reflect and enjoy a giant thunderstorm out over the valley. Day 1 was already the craziest wedding I'd ever been to and we still had two more days. 

Day 2

After spending the morning touring around the town of Dharamsala, it was time to head back to the hotel and prepare for the wedding itself. When we returned, everything was in full swing, as indicated by the abundance of decor and the smoke emerging from the lobby of the hotel...? Wait, what?

The smoke turned out to be part of the groom's "cleansing" ritual, the Havan. I won't pretend to understand what was going on, but there was fire and spices and oil and it was all meant to "purify" Rahul for his wedding. 

We even got to take part. After contributing 11 rupees (even numbers are unlucky, so 10 rupees is out of the question) to the priest, we got to dip a straw brush in oil and paint it onto Rahul's head. Why? I'm not sure, but as we each took a turn, Rahul must be extra pure as a result.

After watching the ceremony for a little while, we decided to head upstairs to take a nap before the night's festivities began. On the beautiful afternoon, we opened the doors to our room wide to let a pleasant breeze keep us cool as we slept. However, after about 20 minutes, we were awoken by the loud banging of drums and the piercing whine of a clarinet. Confused, we stumbled out onto the balcony to see this:

A full on band, loudly playing music on a never-ending loop was outside the hotel. We could see that as Stef, Ralf, Mireya, and Joaquin were also out on their balconies, looking equally perplexed, we weren't alone in our confusion. This was probably the moment when we all realised that the day was going to hold quite a few surprises for us. 

At that point, whether we liked it or not, we were awake, so there was nothing better to do than start getting ready! For the girls, this meant it was sari wrapping time, which, for someone who did not grow up wrapping saris, can be quite challenging. Luckily, Ankita was on hand with her expertise to help Mireya and I with the process. The most complicated part is the pleating in the front, so she was able to guide us through the process. There's also a few ways that you can choose to drape the long shawl over your shoulder, so she was also able to provide us with a variety of trends. I think we turned out well!

While we were tying ourselves into our dresses, the boys were busy tying themselves into their head gear. The safas, as they are called, are tied around all the men in the groom's party for the procession to the ceremony. Pink was a interesting color choice, but turned out to look great on them all.

Overall, I think we did well dressing ourselves for our first Indian wedding!

Everyone else looked pretty great too:

Now back to the unfamiliar traditions. When we came down from our room, ready to go, we found Rahul standing in front of the hotel on a box dressed in his wedding garb. Why? I'm not sure, but he wasn't allowed to step down from it for a long time. While he was standing there, family members put elaborate necklaces of money around his neck which piled up to quite a heavy sum after some time. 

About an hour and a half behind schedule, Rahul was finally allowed to step down, take off the money,  release his veil of rhinestones and the procession towards the venue could begin...

...or so we thought. Just was we started to leave the hotel, the band (who had not stopped playing since we woke up from our nap) stepped out in front of the wedding party. They began a new song and Rahul's fathers and uncles started to dance up a storm. 

While the dance party erupted, Rahul's mother continually gave money to the band, but not before waving it around the head of each of the dancing members of her family. It turns out this is good luck and to ward off the bad juju that comes from the jealous stares of passerbys that aren't part of the fun. 

After about 20 minutes of dancing, we were really off, the whole colorful procession moving down the stairs with music in full blast with turbans, scarves and saris blowing in the breeze.

When we reached the street, we caused quite the traffic jam as the band played, people scrambled to get into cars and cows mooed.

The wedding procession was a long series of white taxis and cars. In the center of town, there was a giant street market, and the crowd inched in around our vehicles as we passed, hoping to catch a glimpse of us as we drove by.

After driving for about 20 minutes, the car stopped and we got out...in the middle of an empty road with the venue nowhere in sight. The only reason we knew we were in the right place was the sound of the band, already out of their vehicle and playing the exact same song to their heart's content. At least there was another cow.

And so began the true wedding procession: the Baraat. Rahul was loaded up onto his bedazzled white horse, and we proceeded to follow him down the road in a colorful mass of music and dance. 

Now if we thought the random dance party leaving the hotel was something, that was NOTHING compared to this procession. It took over an hour and a half to walk the one kilometer to the venue. Every couple hundred feet, the band would stop moving and everyone would just break out into a giant dance party in the middle of the street. It was so surreal, especially on a lonely, deserted road with ramshackle houses surrounding us. We lingered in the back of the procession, not sure where to go or what was appropriate, but then Rahul's family warmly grasped our hands and pulled us right on into the party. After that, we just surrendered our worries and danced away. 

As the cricket grounds eventually appeared, standing in front of the Alps, the party amped up even more. Eventually, Rahul was allowed down off the horse and the party continued in the parking lot. 

Dave and his moves.

My senses were already on complete overload, but I was still completely blown away by the sudden fireworks display that began while we were dancing away in the parking lot. After 30 minutes of fireworks, the show was ended with a flaming trellis of wood that spelled out Rahul and Vanita's names.

As darkness descended and we were now three hours behind schedule, the dance party just got bigger and bigger. 

Eventually, the band quieted as we made a move for the entrance to the venue. The stage was set for the next ceremony, the exchanging of gifts between the male members of the bride and groom's families. Starting with the fathers, a wreath of garland is exchanged, along with a gift and a (sometimes very energetic) hug. Two by two, all the uncles, brothers, and sons from each side meet each other. 

Next, you would think the groom could finally get inside to his own wedding. However, this is not to be. At the entrance to the hall is where all the female members of the bride's family have been lying in wait. They block the entrance to the venue, and in order for the groom to pass, he must pay his way in. Similar to all business transactions in India, he must haggle and negotiate a fee with the ladies before he is allowed to pass. 

Luckily, I didn't need to barter to get in, so I was able to sneak around to get a view of the reception hall. 

When Rahul had finally met the ladies' fee, he entered and was immediately perched on top of the couch in the center of the room. This was the beginning of the reception (which takes place before the wedding?) where everyone in the family can go up to greet him and take photos. 

Finally, after Rahul had taken photos for an hour and after all this time had passed, the bride finally made her entrance. Under an awning of flowers, covered in henna and jewels, Vanita looked stunning...and really happy. :-) She entered with the females of her family by her side and approached the platform where Rahul was waiting for her. 

Once on stage, they also exchanged garlands with their families by their sides. 

The entire "reception" began again with everyone venturing up to the couch to take photos with the couple. 

At this point, it was 10 o'clock, no one was married and food was just being served. We sat down to eat and had a few interesting experiences with the other wedding guests. First, two Punjabi men at our table asked to videotape us and wave at the camera as they couldn't believe all these Westerners were at this wedding in full traditional garb. While people were impressed by all of us though, the show stealer was Ralf. Him and his red hair had been a big hit around India, and this wedding was no different. Every time he went to the bathroom, he came back with more photos of him and a stranger that had wanted a picture. He was making friends left and right, and hands down, his most lucrative new contact was the man who worked in immigration. Slightly intoxicated, he tried to convince Ralf to call him in the office and he would get him his very own Indian passport. The best part of these negotiations? The man spoke little to no English. It was hysterical to watch. 

While this was all going on, we didn't notice that the majority of the wedding party had left the room. We went outside to see what was going on and learned that finally, at 11:30pm, the actual wedding had begun. In a fabric tent outside the ceremony hall, a fire was blazing and the family was gathered around while the priest from earlier performed the wedding rituals. 

When we sat down at the entrance to the area, we were warmly greeted by the bride's family. However, we were being adamantly waved over to the groom's side. We asked the girls if there was any problem sitting with them, and they said absolutely not, but the groom's side nevertheless kept waving us over. We finally obliged and went to see what the problem was. It turns out that one of the main rituals during the ceremony is actually NOT the ceremony, but the fact that the girls in the bride's family always steal the groom's shoes. In order to get them back, he needs to barter and pay money to the girls (are we noticing a trend here?) However, in an evasive move by Rahul's cousin, the groom's side had hidden the shoes before the bride's side could get at them. The girls had hoped that by letting us sit with them, we might divulge their whereabouts. Very clever. Despite bluffing and claiming they had the shoes in the face of Rahul's cousins, the girls were frantically searching so they could later claim their fees. The entire ritual was hysterical.

This was such an indication of how different a Hindu wedding ceremony is compared to most others. While every other religion will treat the wedding ceremony with silence and reserve, this ceremony invited laughter, chatting, and joking. People were shouting out commentary, shifting around, catching up with each other while in the middle of the crowd, Rahul and Vanita performed the various rituals. Maybe because it is a three hour ceremony, maybe because of the culture, but either way, it was so fun, warm and friendly. As the night wore on, cups of masala chai were passed around and we felt like we were part of the family, sharing in the laughter and the moment with everyone.

As the entire ceremony was not in English, Rahul's cousin very kindly explained each step as best he could (though even he admitted he didn't really know everything). At various points, hands were bound, gifts were given, and items were thrown in the fire. Throughout it all, Rahul and Vanita looked like a mix of tired, happy, and overwhelmed - probably since they hadn't eaten all day, a fast that prepares them for the ceremony. 

The last step was the tent-circling. Bound together by a piece of cloth, Rahul and Vanita had to walk around the tent seven times. Each round represented a different vow - in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, etc.

At the end, a sheet was thrown over Rahul's head, oil was put on Vanita's forehead, they held hands, bowed and suddenly, they were married.

The night ended with one last ritual that was FINALLY familiar to us: we were all given flower petals that we proceeded to throw on the couple after they were pronounced husband and wife. At that point, it was 2:30am and we were all completely spent from the day. We loaded back up in the brigade of cars to head back to the hotel while a very dazed Rahul and Vanita were finally allowed to eat.

Day 3

An early start awaited us the following morning whether we liked it or not: our friends, the band in red, was our Indian alarm clock, beginning to play the same exact song outside our rooms at 8am.

After a quick breakfast, we again loaded up into our car procession for the closing ceremonies. Our first stop was a tiny village about 30 minutes away where Rahul's great-grandfather had lived. Each woman who marries into his family comes back to the temple of this village to pay homage and respect to the roots from which they came. (Clearly, the band continued to play throughout this entire ritual.)

Our procession provided quite the show for the schoolchildren across the street. 

We were then loaded back up into our caravan for the final stop of the wedding, the traditional Dham. 

The Dham is when the family holding the wedding opens the doors to the whole village and invites them to share in the celebration by cooking up a giant meal.  Long rugs crisscrossed the floor and serve as the seats. Banana leaves, sewn together, serve as the plates. Family and strangers sit shoulder to shoulder laughing and eating and enjoying the meal. 

We were invited to sit while our plates were set in front of us. We found out later that Rahul's family was so worried about us enjoying ourselves, they had an emergency set of plates and chairs. 

Then skinny men in simple clothes came out from the back of the hall and served us the best meal we had while in India. A huge helping of rice served with several curries were spooned onto our banana leaves. Traditionally, the meal is eaten with no cutlery - you use your hands to make little balls of rice and curry. As open to new experiences as we were, the dexterity this process required was more than we could handle, so we welcomed the spoons that were offered to us. However, we absolutely loved the whole experience and I nearly ate myself sick. It was the best meal we had in India.

The other cool thing about this ceremony was the way the food was prepared. Apparently, the recipes for the dishes we ate have been passed down for several generations and the only people who know them are the three men who cooked our meal. The recipes are only used in this village and only used for a wedding, so we were really honored that we were able to partake in this really special tradition. 

Presiding over the entire meal is the bride and groom, sitting up on a stage on a two-person swing. This is yet another meal they don't get to partake in until everyone else has eaten. 

While finally having our first opportunity to chat with them, we got to see Vanita's henna up close and personal. It was beautiful, and was filled with stories and characters that represented her and Rahul, embarking on life together. It looks so much darker than mine!

This whole experience was possibly the most incredible of my life. I am so glad I got to partake in such an amazing event with so much love and tradition and happiness.